What We Do

night before last me and the old lady were driving
around in the mountains looking for deer drinking
with an Indian partner in his 4WD pickup when
we hit deep snow and go off the road down into the
trees and get stuck real bad so with the hour of
daylight we got left we do everything we can to get
out but we're fucked pretty good and we huddle up
in the cab because there's no sense walking out
we're about 30 miles from any ranch and it's getting
damn cold so the dude trys his cell and we can't get
no one we know we keep losing the signal but 911
comes in pretty good so he has them call our kids
to let them know what's up and we sit drinking
the last of the Cobras before getting any half-assed
sleep we'll figure out something in the morning
but then around 2 AM the cell phone rings and it's
a Sheriff Sargent who wants to know our position
only he can't hear us so he has us press 1 for yes 2
for no on the pad and after some call backs and
fucking around we try to get through to him as best
we can where we think we are and then we realize
if the cops are coming we better pick up all the beer
cans and hide the rifle our partner is a felon and so
there we sit nodding in and out when around 5
AM we see headlights coming up the road and it's
Klamath Search and Rescue and we get out and
they ask if we're all right blah blah and the Deputies
are pretty cool they put us in the back of a 1 ton
Sheriff's rig and we back on out of there to a junction
where there's over 20 more cop rigs and the one
Deputy tells them all over the radio everything is
ok and everybody splits so these 2 cops up front
then tell us they were going to get a helicopter out at
daybreak if they couldn't find us and in another day
we'd be on the news it's 10 degrees out the one cop
says I ask them what this is going to cost us and
they say nothing it's what we do so they drive us
all home right to the front door and we thank them
profusely and watch them drive away when our
partner says that's the first time he's ever been in
the back of a cop car without being handcuffed and I
tell him come on in we got a sixer of Miller talls in the
fridge it's only an hour before the store opens up